5 reasons why you should keep dating your spouse

A new year is upon us, we all will set goals in various areas of life: physical, financial, mental or spiritual,  but often times we forget to set a goal for our marriage. We have no strategy on how we are going to grow our relationship. Marriage is hard work! Period, there is no other way to put it. Any relationship takes years of love, care, trust and grace to build. As a relationship coach, I see a lot of marriages start to lose their spark because, simply life takes over – the relationship is taken for granted and other things become priority. When you have a growing family to take care of, date nights seem like a frivolous way to spend both your limited time and money. When you could rather put that money towards a bigger mortgage, shopping ect, or spend your time checking off one more thing of your to do list. I am here to tell you date nights, are like insurance for your marriage and here is why:

1. Strengthens the core of your relationship and family: allowing uninterrupted time for you and your partner can lead to deeper and meaningful communication. This enables you to solidify the foundation of your relationship and family.

2. Create a deeper connection: Clear communication makes you feel like you are on the same team, which creates an intimate connection between you both.

3. Spontaneity breaks routine and keeps life exciting: Date nights provide a reprieve from the day-to-day drudgery. Partners can take turns to plan the entire date night. Leaving it to be a complete surprise for the other partner. There are very few surprises in life, why not make date nights an experience to look forward to!

4. Creates emotional intimacy (it’s foreplay): Better sex does not start in the bedroom! Better emotional connection leads to greater intimacy, which leads to amazing sex!

5. Work better as a team and accomplish goals: You will accomplish your goals faster as a couple when you have regularly scheduled date nights. Date nights are a great opportunity to discus future goals, strategies and how you can work better and smarter together.

   

Most couples think that date nights mean expensive dinner or experiences, but that is not always true. Start to view date nights as a ritual to increase connection. Here are few tips for making sure you increase connection:

1. Dress up: Make an effort. It is very easy to walk out in sweat pants after a long day at work or a long day spent chauffeuring the kids from one activity to another. Make date nights an occasion to look and feel great for yourself and for your partner.

2. Where you go matters: plan date nights that encourage conversation, going to watch a movie together cannot qualify as a date night. Do something that fun and encourages you to turn towards each other.

3. Be positive: No matter how bad of a day you had…a date is not the time to nag, discuss finances, or to run errands. Listen to your favorite songs; dance a bit before you head out for a date. This will enable you to shed the stress of the day and be open to a great and meaningful experience with your partner.

4. Show affection: Hold hands, say I love you and most importantly make eye contact with your partner. Always flirt with each other no matter where you go.

5. Put your phones away: Your constant need to be looking at your device may rob you of the opportunity to create a more meaningful connection with your spouse.

Here are five date ideas to create more connection with your spouse:

1. Long drive together: We love long drives, especially when it is raining. Yes, I am a hopeless romantic. Long drives confines you in a small intimate space and can inspire some great conversations.

2. Recreate your first date: reliving your first date will allow you to indulge in some nostalgia! This experience will make you appreciate how you both have grown and

3. In house picnic: Whether you have kids or not….this is a great way to have a spontaneous date night. It does not take much effort or planning.  Grab some take out put down a bed sheet near the fireplace and some wine all make for a romantic and intimate evening.

4. Cook a nice meal: A very cost effective and intimate experience is to cook a meal together. It requires teamwork and inspires great conversation. Some conversation starters could be “what is you favorite/earliest food memory”. Don’t worry if you don’t know what to cook. There are plenty of food preparation boxes out there, which supply the recipe and the ingredients.

5. Hot bath and a cold dessert: another simple but a great idea to connect with each other. Draw a nice hot bath, add some of your favorite essential oils and have your favorite cold dessert. This is also a great date activity to do at your weekend getaway or at home.

Dates will not fix the problems or challenges in your marriage but are a deposit you make in each other’s emotional bank accounts. A fuller emotional bank account will help sustain your relationship in the long term and help weather the storms more easily.

We would love to learn more about how you do date nights in your relationship and what it does for you. Keep the conversation going with us, about how to create a deeper connection in your relationship, on Instagram (@themodys)