I haven’t peaked, yet.

Upon becoming a mom, one of the first things you experience is the sudden change in your identity. In an instant you become someone’s mom, a label you will wear forever. I found that my identity not only changed, but my self-confidence also seemed to plunge. I had new fears that I’d never known, fears about the safety of my children, fears about my competence as a mother, fears about the world today and how it would shape who we are.

I’ve been amazed at how different I am today as compared to the “me” before kids. I look back at myself as a teenager and scarcely recognize that confident girl. I can remember hearing one of my friends discuss her plan to compete in a pageant for the title of Miss Forrest City High School. She had recently won the county beauty pageant and it seemed like she should be a shoo-in to win. I, being competitive and I suppose also a bit petty, decided that I would enter the pageant as well. I knew that 75% of the score came from writing an essay about our high school. I wasn’t exactly beauty queen material, but I knew I was a good writer. THAT, I could do. I wrote the essay, walked the platform, answered a question, and I won. I wasn’t even surprised that I won. I was that confident about my writing abilities. Now, fast forward almost 20 years and I had to give myself a heck of a pep talk to become a writer for this blog.

And yet, it’s not only my confidence that has dissipated. I’ve felt loss in other parts of my identity, places where former parts of me have fallen off like leaves from a tree, foliage that is past its season and can seemingly no longer grow. Looking back at myself, I was probably most creative around 12, most confident at 18, in my best physical shape at 24, and most successful in my professional career at 30. Now, at 35, I’m a stay-at-home mom to my two girls, and for the last few years I’ve been pretty sure that I already peaked in every major area of my life. I’ve even felt somewhat resolved for that to be true, even though it makes me feel like parts of me are dead inside. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss my former career. I’m absolutely in the right place at home with my kids, but I’ve assumed that the monotony of the daily routine was simply par for the mom course.

Then, I recently heard a quote that set off missiles and fireworks inside my body.

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

BOOM. POP. AHHHHH. It suddenly occurred to me that maybe I’ve been wrong! Maybe the best is yet to come. Maybe I could peak again in all parts of my life if I stepped outside of my comfort zone. And like the Grinch experiencing his heart growing three sizes, I felt a sudden jolting change in perspective, an acute sense of relief that my identity is retrievable. I can be Lizzie and Anna’s mom and also be me. And with these thoughts spurring me along, I created a plan. Starting now, I am on a quest to grow my confidence and nurture my creativity, two parts of me that I’ve missed dearly over the last decade or so. My plan for the next 60 days includes the following three activities: