Life changes

About a year ago my Mom was coming for a visit.  It was an unexpected time of year for her to be coming, my parents usually opt for Holidays with my siblings that also live in the South, telling us that it’s too cold up here for them.  So she was coming in early November, just for a quick visit, I think she sometimes feels guilty for never spending a Holiday here, but I can’t say I blame her, it is cold and wet here, and she isn’t in the best of health, so, as much as I miss them and wish they would enjoy some
Christmas morning magic with my kids I totally get it, and we make the best of it.  
I’ll never forget this day in particular because it was a relatively nice day, warm for us, blistering for my poor Mom.  I picked my oldest up from school early and we went for a quick lunch and then to the airport to pick Bama up.  I remember looking in the mirror and thinking it’s not so easy to run out without make up anymore and fluffed up my hair, threw on some hot pink lipstick and kept my sunglasses on.  Isabella and I still hold hands quite often, so I grabbed her hand and we started walking towards the building, we had parked in the cell phone lot and were making a run for it.I felt someone looking at me.  But not just looking, burning a hole in me.  I actually felt my face flush and inexplicably felt hot, my heart started to thump in my chest.  Isabella let go of my hand and commented that I was all clammy.  She asked if I felt sick, I shook my head and looked around and bam! there he was.  My ex boyfriend.  The man that wrecked me more times than I can count, in more ways than I can remember.  The boy that was my everything.  The young man that introduced me to my husband, whom I am blissfully happy with, and more in love with today than I was yesterday.  I’m one of the lucky ones that lives the fairytale.  So seeing my ex and the physical reaction I had to seeing him before I even realized I was seeing him caught me off guard.  Without thinking I called out his name.  He, the consummate egomaniacal jerk that he evidently still is looked at me and said “Do I know you?”  I should have walked away, but I said my name, and we talked for a few minutes. His friend and my daughter standing there as we awkwardly talked to each other, pretending like our 11 years of knowing each other wasn’t a major portion of our lives and we were not fire and ice when we were together… We were the perfect example of teenager melodrama.  My parents wanted him out of my life, which only made him more attractive.  I was the only one that understood his angst, I knew he needed me in a way my parents could never understand.  Our friends used to call us Brenda and Dylan.  Something I loved in the moment, but as an adult just roll my eyes at. I introduced him to my daughter, saying a silent thank you that he is not her father, then we ran off, hand in hand to meet my Mom.

Six months ago I was sitting in Starbucks waiting to have coffee with a friend and in walked an old friend of mine.  She had her children with her, and it struck me how time flies.  She and I were the best of friends, another friend once commenting that we were practically dating.  Our husbands were very good friends and she and I naturally just became friends.  I loved her.  She practically knocked the door down when Isabella was born and it went badly, me ending up in an emergency C Section facing massive blood loss and a baby at risk.  She was just always there.  I was her first visitor when her son was born, and I called her when a friend died and broke the news to her.  We were sisters.  And then we were not. When I saw her walk into Starbucks that day a few months back I felt so sad.  We had drifted apart and I didn’t even miss her.  I didn’t even get up from my chair to say hello, instead I hid in my phone, hoping she didn’t notice me.  I imagine she did, then thought to herself she would quickly grab her drink and get out fast and hope I didn’t look up from my phone and notice her.  I can’t tell you when our friendship came to this, but I can tell you why.

Our friend died, her husband cheated, my husband distanced himself from him because he didn’t want to be part of that lifestyle, she had trouble conceiving, Isabella was unexpected and never planned for (best surprise ever!) Life. Life happened and we drifted apart.  I looked her up on Facebook, it took some digging, but I found her.  She’s divorced with 2 children now, which surprised me, but  I suppose she would be shocked to know I have 3. I friend requested her, then I canceled it.  Then I did it again, then I canceled it.  I must have repeated this 5 or 6 times.  Then, suddenly she was gone.  She blocked me.  Obviously there is more to the story of our parting than I realize because I never dreamed of doing something as drastic.

I was on Facebook just a day or two ago and there in my inbox was a blast from the past.  The girl I got my fake ID with.  The girl that was there for me to cry and drink too much wine every time that boyfriend and I broke up.  She was a pivotal part of my life.  I don’t think I would have emerged from the 11 year on again / off again relationship as strong as I did if it had not been for her.  She sent me a friend request on Facebook, and a private message.  She explained why she suddenly stopped talking to me 18 years ago.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was 26 years old, had newly met my husband, and was on the way to break up number 100, this time for good because my husband and I could not stay away from each other.  (As I always tell him it took 11 years of something bad for me to find my lifetime of something extraordinary.)  She told me she felt she owed me an explanation, she sent me a photo of her 17 year old son.

He looked so familiar, yet I couldn’t place it.  But the green eyes, the crooked smile, the sandy blonde hair,  it was so familiar.  I messaged her back and asked her why she thought I would have abandoned the friendship because she was pregnant.  She messaged me back, asked for my phone number and said it may be better if I hear it in person.  I must be dense, because I was still not putting it together, but my instinct was to say no, that she could tell me now.  So she responded, It’s not my son, it’s my son’s Father.  Still, rather thick skulled I sent her back a question mark, and said I really don’t know what you’re talking about.  She again asked for my phone number and I said that she should just tell me.  She sent a one word answer Dylan. A quick math equation in my head later I messaged her back and said that wouldn’t have changed anything.  Simply because I didn’t know what to say.  We messaged back and forth for a few more minutes, she asking for my number a few more times, but I never gave it to her.  I did accept her friend request, looked at all of the photos she had posted, nothing out of the ordinary, just my old friend and her son.

If you’ve stuck with me this long you are likely wondering why I seemingly opened a vein, but I have not.  It was these 3 events in the past year that have filled in so many blanks for me.  People come into your life for a reason, they stay for the right amount of time and then sometimes in the snap of a finger they are gone.  My ex and I? Well, how else was I going to meet my husband, here in Lake Country Wisconsin when I was living and working on Washington D.C.?  My lost friend? Life changes, her marriage was falling apart with the constant infidelity, the death of one of our closest friends, and my marriage grew stronger by the day, Brian’s death drawing us even closer.

Finding out my life’s moment best friend betrayed me and conceived a child with my ex boyfriend? That one took the least amount of time to figure out.  Looking at her Facebook photos I see what could very well have been my life: single parenting, lonely, lost look in my eye, wondering where I went wrong.  It was my High Power’s message to me that life changes, savor each moment with those around you because you may snap your fingers and find that phase is done.  But don’t be sad, be excited, your past got you here, imagine how great your future is going to be!

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Ali Schweitzer

Hi! I’m Ali (pronounced alley). I’m 40 (something) – live in Oconomowoc with my husband of over more than 15 years, 3 kids, 1 “senior citizen” cat, Gus, and a 2 year old Jack Russel, Tubbs. We lead, as everyone does, a hectic life of carpools, sports, social activities and much coveted downtime! My oldest starts High School in the fall (I am not certain how that happened as she was really only just born!)

As a private caterer/event planner I am known for over the top crazy themed parties for kids and adults and I am thrilled to be joining The Lake Country Mom to share all things party, tips and tricks, and quick and easy recipes. I keep threatening to start a blog, and this may push me to actually do it, when I do I’ll be sure and let you know! Until then you can find me here!