Sometimes when I think about my anxiety I think about those commercials where the people walk around with their “depression” following them as a dark cloud always over their head. I relate to that a lot because my anxiety always has a presence in my life. But for me it’s a little different than that. Anxiety is a warm stone tucked right in the center of my chest. This heavy stone sits cradled in my body gently humming a soft reminder to me. Sometimes it warms up. The soft tingle turns to violent vibrations and it sits there heavy, pushing on my insides like I may burst. Sometimes it is too much to handle. The vibrations shake my body and send me launching out of a crowded room. Or the heat pushes up into my head and fills my eyes with tears and shakes my brain until even the simplest task is insurmountable. Recently, it turned into a panic attack pulling my vision from my eyes, sinking my body to the ground, making that moment unbearable. And then like always it cools down, slows its shaking, settles gently into its little home in the middle of my chest and quietly purrs its warm vibrations just to remind me that it’s there.
And there it sits like an old friend, never letting me forget it. But I know it well enough to know this: every time I do something that scares me, every time I enter that crowded room even though anxiety may launch me back out I get a little more control over it. Every time I go to a social event alone and meet new people and make new friends I feel empowered that anxiety does not and will not control my life. In fact, it feels wonderful. If anxiety has taught me anything it’s taught me that I am a person in flux. It is up to me to determine who I am, and I sure as hell will not live my life being the shy person in the corner. There is so much out there for me to see and do, so many adventures to take. I will likely never be rid of the warm stone inside my chest, but I am learning to live my best life with it there inside me.
-Amy Schulz, Guest Blogger/Author
Disclosure: This is a post written as part of our guest blogger series: #REALLIFESERIES on The Lake Country Mom. The author is Amy Schulz and has chosen to share her feelings and experience with anxiety.